Baruch's Blog

I've been experiencing another bad bout with my neck since early December when it was - 20 F (that's -29 C) and I had to split a cord of wood by hand. If I spend more than 15 minutes to an hour in a vertical position, the weight of my head puts pressure on the nerves coming out of my neck and going into my right arm. This is happening because I had a compression fracture in my C5 vertebra in 1977, along with disk damage, and now there is arthritis, stenosis, and disk inflammation all aggravating the aforementioned nerves. Ouch. The sensations range from 0 to 8 on the 1 - 10 pain scale, usually hovering in the 2 to 6 range.

I have been through this before. This pain in my neck has lasted for years in the past. There is one practitioner who treated me with 100% success...nearly no pain for over 3 years until I split that wood. She is in Salem, Oregon and I am planning a trip there this coming month.

Pain is just a sensation, and I can relegate it thus at times, but it also wears on my emotional and physical stamina. When this is going on I don't have as much patience as I usually do, and learning to be patient has been part of my life anyway. I become irritable more easily, and I feel useless and wrung out.

Now, I am aware that I just became employed in a "job" job for the first time in a long time, and while there are things I like about it, and I am glad to use my skills both because they are useful and it feels good, I am also aware that I resent having a job. I don't work a ton of hours and I make about $700 a month for about 60 hours, which is just barely not enough for me to live on, and yet I don't feel up to or desirous of working more than 20 hours a week. Money stress has been a theme in my life...the scale may change from tens of thousands to tens of dollars, but it's still a factor.

I'm living in a place that I chose, which I like, and where I have met good people, and right now in the cold of winter with pain in my body I feel more like cocooning than like seeing people.

Anyone reading this who's known me for a while recognizes my pattern...just goes to show you, wherever you go, there you are.

Traveling affords a sense of pattern interrupt which is part of why I like it. Being in one place you have to deal with patterns within oneself and in relating with the outside world of people, Earth, life, etc.

So here I am, a week 'till payday, propane tank is empty, not a lot of food left, freakin' bills to pay...passing the nights by feeding the fire and watching movies on the computer...

I'm also watching what Obama is doing and liking some of it. I am very disappointed, however, in the things he is not addressing. People are really poor out here in the hinterlands, with no help in sight. The stimulus package he is proposing has some really good stuff re: infrastructure, education, energy, but it doesn't address the immediate need for health care, food, shelter. He is also not addressing the civil liberties issues that exist in the US. Maybe he is working on these things behind the scenes but I'm not seeing much about it in the media. he is also not condemning Israel for their horrific invasion and subsequent slaughter in Gaza, nor has he stopped the drone assassination flights into Pakistan. He has not pulled back on the missiles in Poland. There is a long list and I know his administration is super busy settling in and getting things in motion, these are just some priorities I'd like to see immediate action on.

My wish to you all reading this is that you are well and surrounded by people you love who love you.