30 August 2011

Like many people I am watching what’s happening in the world, from extreme weather to extreme politics to extreme human-made environmental disasters and cruelty...the list goes on and on. I am wading through my own personal distress to stay aware of the bigger picture. I am not alone in this.

I said to a friend yesterday “I used to be so organized, now I wear pajamas to go out visiting or to town to do errands.” It is all I can do to keep track of what is in front of me, let alone the bigger broader concerns.

I see the possibility, still, of another world than the one we have made. I can see a world where people are kind and think about the wellbeing of others, and the Earth. I see a world where people treat non-renewables with great care, reuse everything, where the words “garbage” and “trash” are obsolete. I see a world where everyone is valued for what they can contribute to the common good. I see a world where the conglomerates we now call “government” and “corporation” no longer exist, and where sociopaths are cared for while being prevented from seeking or achieving political or economic power. I see a world where war is unthinkable, where every birth is wanted and every death acknowledged. My vision is broad and deep and far reaching. I know that many others have such visions.

I have foreseen and written about what will happen with humans on Earth if we do not change our behavior. I’m sure that many others have had these experiences as well.

The question I see before me now, always, is not what are my politics or who do I sleep with (no one currently) or whether or not I support abortion rights, it’s about finding ways to participate which support the common good. That can mean helping a friend or helping someone I don’t know. I am fortunate that my paying work is in alignment with the value I hold of supporting others in their learning and in becoming more conscious of the life of the Earth. It is a small contribution but I know that at least some of the people who take my classes do go on to use what they learn. But it doesn’t feel like enough. Maybe there is no “enough.” I suspect that is the case.

In contemplating all this I always come to the same cognitive dissonance. I understand intellectually but do not “get” how people can make decisions that are so heartless. Obama is set to decide (he has already decided) whether or not to approve an oil pipeline from the Alberta tar sands to the Gulf of Mexico. It is already clear that this would be an environmental disaster, an economic nightmare, and will continue the process of enriching a few while impoverishing many. Obama, and the rest of the US political establishment, have made it clear time and again that they do not care about the people, they do not care about the Earth, they care about money and power and political expediency. This pipeline is just one example of thousands which point to the psychopathic mindset of those “in power.” At some point, maybe sooner than later, “The People” will have had enough. Something will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Here in the US so many are inured, numb, stressed by just surviving, they can barely even think about resisting the forces that are coming down on them, so I don’t know what that last straw could be, but it seems inevitable.

In the meantime, we do what needs to be done, and we find inspiration where we can.

24 August 2011

Rough couple of days. Anniversaries can be brutal. The last few days have been the 7th anniversary of my mother’s murder. I don’t know about you but for me this kind of thing is like being run over by a train. Twice. It’s not a cognitive emotional process it is visceral, cellular, autonomic. Now it is the end of the day. Seven years ago tonight the worst was over, or at least the initial shock. I still feel like I am in shock seven years later. I thought that somehow perhaps magically the number seven would lessen the intensity but it didn’t. Oh well. Next summer I am going to plan for this very differently.

I know a lot of friends and family have been thinking about this in the last few days and I feel the love flowing between us, amongst us. Gratitude.

07 August 2011

We've been in the new place for a week. Phew! I feel myself decompressing from what was really an unhealthy abusive situation; grateful to be out and processing the experience. Anger, disappointment, betrayal, incredulity, pity, compassion, frustration...so many feelings and thoughts all winding down to a sense of relief.

The new place is funky, nice, warm, dry, not moldy, not stinking of cat shit, no weird oppressive energetic pall. It's good. It's sad to not have the wonderful garden outside the door, but next summer we will.

I am watching a documentary about Harry Nilsson. It's out there to watch for free, check it out. This guy felt a lot, experienced his pain, and was brilliantly creative. He took whatever it was that was inside him and brought forth music that affected the world, still does. Perfect timing for me right now, feeling depleted and not overflowing with creative inspirations.

Ah, it's all a process!

The last month has been completely about making this move, thus no new radio shows lately. I am looking forward to recharging and getting back to Paradigms. Next Sunday, August 14, the P.M.P. Band will be on Paradigms live in the studio. Tune in, it should be a lot of fun and good vibes!