Summer is here! It's in the 80's in Vermont, after a long cold winter. Halleluja! This Sunday, June 2, will be the final episode of Paradigms for the season. The guest is Graham Hancock, author and archaeologist and visionary. The interview was very interesting and fun, I think you'll enjoy him. It will air Sunday June 2 at 8 PM EST streaming on WBKM and at Paradigms.

I am excited about tonight's radio show! The guest is Kisten Tynan of the Fully Informed Jury Association. We had a great conversation about what FIJA is and what it does, the history of jury nullification, the for-profit prison industry, and what we, the people who may be called to serve on a jury, should know about Juror's Rights. This includes information that judges will misinform you about, amazingly, as part of routine jury instructions. This is actually very interesting and significant and provides a way for citizens to reign in runaway government. I hope you'll listen because this is stuff everyone should know. Of course there is great music mixed in with a "Justice" theme. The show airs tonight on WBKM at 8 PM EST and the podcast will be available at Paradigms and in iTunes
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I have heard that there is a thin line between going crazy and transformation, and that they often overlap. Hear hear!
This last weekend was one of the most difficult and intense internal times I can remember in this life. I encountered my rage at a level I have never allowed myself to experience before. In truth it was scary at times. It was definitely not pretty.
I fasted for 4 days, not intentionally so much as having no will to nourish my body. I slept a lot, and when I wasn’t asleep I was in my bed enraged, ruminating. Like I said, not pretty.
I slept a lot and I dreamed. I don’t remember all the dreams in detail but I was experiencing a review of my life; memories, people, mistakes, joys.
The family I grew up in was one that, by the time I came around, had been hurting for years. My parents were unhappy with each other, unhappy with where their lives had brought them to. My three older brothers were all engaged in their own survival tactics. Along came me; smart Aries child with BIG feelings and BIG questions and hardly any boundaries. You can imagine what ensued.
Now I am in my 50’s encountering still the patterns I learned as a child. I learned that I am too much for the people around me and I better tone it down. I learned that being smart meant having to defend myself from attack. I learned that I was on my own, and that no one would ever really come through for me.
It’s been decades of deliberately choosing to change how I see and what I do and all that, but the patterns are stubborn and were etched deeply. Just choosing to change has not erased them or transformed them. Encountering myself in a different way this weekend, and thanks to one of my housemates who was willing to hear my rage without taking it on, and thanks to the many friends and family who reached out to me, I feel in myself the space that opens up when something is released. In this instance releasing rage, like releasing a caged ferocious angry animal, has exhausted me and in so doing is setting some part of me free. I think it’s an ongoing process though, not a momentary event.
Now I find that I must be gentle with myself. I am honoring the space that opened up and not wanting it to be filled quickly or without intention.
The pain and rage are teaching me. I’m listening. I’m watching. I’m feeling. I’m learning.

The last week has been challenging for me. I find myself angry, frustrated, feeling really fed up with just about everything. No, nothing dire has happened in my little life. It is the aggregate of a lifetime of living in a society which is increasingly vapid, soulless, conformist, imperialistic...I could go on and on with a list of adjectives a mile long. I am just really tired of it. Whine whine, yeah I have a good life compared to many. Yes I have enough to eat and medical care and heat and a roof. I am not saying that I have it any worse than anyone else. To the contrary, I have it better than most and this is how fed up I am. Think of the rest of humanity! I do! Every day! And from what I see things are not getting better. Humanity seems to me to be a great failure. There has been a lot of beauty and goodness, but it is the ugliness that is such a part of our species, to which I refer. I won’t bother citing specific incidents of said ugliness. We are all painfully aware of so many. I find myself wanting, more than anything, to disengage. I am unsubscribing from nearly every list I’m on, deleting and unfriending on facebook, throwing stuff away, packing up my belongings, giving things away. I am reducing the clutter in my life, physical, emotional, and virtual. I’m not sure what comes next but for sure my circumstances are about to change.