Last night I was in the presence of two musicians who played beautifully. Charlie Messing on guitar and vocals and Ben Littenberg playing stand-up bass; they graced the wbkm studio for Paradigms.

That was the good part.

Somehow, I am not sure how, the show did not get recorded. I could swear I clicked on "Record" but when I went to prepare the podcast of the show there was no file to work with. Since the software works I can only conclude that somehow I screwed up. How embarrassing, and disappointing because the music Charlie and Ben played was really wonderful. Luckily they have agreed to be on the show again, and this time I will get the recording done properly!

I had a visit with a friend yesterday; someone I've know for 25 years or so. We are both at times in our lives where, let us say, the gilt is off. Both in our 6th decades, not partnered, living lives that are not particularly part of the status quo, both of us are observers and people who are in service to the greater whole. I was talking about needing to be less susceptible to feeling the distress around me, her response was that perhaps my skin is too thin. It's true. I have always been an empath but I used to have better shielding. At least I think I did. Lately I have found that my shielding is not always so great. So I tend to not go out into "the world" so much because I just don't want to deal with the distress I witness. I also find dealing with the human bureaucratic systems to be frustrating, pointless, and just plain stupid.

Each in our own ways we struggle with or face similar stuff, even though the forms are different, our stories have their own unique content and qualities.

This question I work with on Paradigms, "What are our visions of a viable future for life on Earth that includes humans?" has added a dimension to my personal journey. By working that question I keep having to face it's shadow, which is something like "There is no viable future for humanity." I haven't said that on the air, but that statement is IN the air during each interview, and each broadcast. Who, that is paying attention, isn't thinking that at least some of the time, or wondering about it? I know I'm not the only one. I've thought that in a way Paradigms is a radio program to watch the end of the world by. I don't want to feed that idea, the hopelessness, but it's there and I can't ignore it.

In the interview with Marc Sapir MD that aired on last night's Paradigms, Marc said something to the effect of "some day the sun will explode, and life on Earth will end..." and of course he's right.

The answer I get from within me when I visit these ideas is...focus on the now. Feel the aliveness. Cherish the moments. Witness the beauty, and add to it when and where possible.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

This morning, just past midnight, I went outside to feel the starlight during the dark moon. I love doing that. I called the quarters, I gave my thanks and made my wishes for a thicker skin with an open heart, more joy and clearer thinking (like remembering to hit "record" during a radio show!).

It is my observation that we really are all in this together, whether we know it consciously or not. The deeper the numbness perhaps the further that awareness is from consciousness, nevertheless it is true. We are all in this together.

The Cosmos Is.

Earth is circling one of infinite stars.

Life on Earth is diverse, changing, fermenting. It has been so for as long as it has been.

We are crouching monkeys who have evolved physically and mentally. There is the possibility of developing an essence, a spirit if you will, that transcends the monkeys we’ve been. We are each at some point in the process of becoming part of that essence, of awakening. We are growing our divine selves, reaching out to connect with each other and the creative force of the Cosmos.

And the paradox of the Cosmos is that light and time do not travel in straight lines, but radiate outwards and come back upon themselves, so in the life of the Cosmos this human awakening has already happened. We in this Now are just experiencing this moment of it.

Money. More learning about money.

Years ago I learned to decouple my self esteem from my financial situation. I lost a lawsuit in which my bankruptcy-discharged student loans were un-discharged, along with 6 years worth of interest (the time the lawsuit took) and had essentially doubled. When I got this news I became suicidal, literally. I suddenly owed $32,000! I did have the wherewithall to observe myself during this experience and realized that I had to unhook my self esteem and my financial status. So I did.

My worth as a person has nothing to do with my material or financial status. I really get that.

Here we are years later (the outcome of the student loan situation is another story but suffice to say I believe the student loan business is highly unethical and at this point exists primarily to create huge masses of indentured servants in the US) and my relationship with money has continued to evolve. I now see money as essentially meaningless, a symbol to be used for the exchange of energy. I choose to live on a small amount of money, and to own a small amount of stuff. I like this much better than when I made thousands of money a week.

Now, however, I find myself working on another shift regarding money. I have been waiting for some funds which are coming my way. These funds are nearly here. In the meantime I have borrowed some small amounts from friends to get by. If I am going to drive then I need gas money. If I am going to eat then I need money for food. If I am going to hang out with a friend and get a cup of coffee, I need money for that. Now, I can survive without driving. Friends will feed me, and I don't need that cup of coffee at a café. However, having no money is inconvenient.

I noticed, when a friend loaned me some money so I could get a new windshield for my car, how my emotional state shifted. I felt more relaxed, more ebullient, with money in my pocket. That's not surprising, but when I stop to really think about it, it's screwed up. Why should having money in my pocket effect my emotional state? Why should my day suddenly seem to be going better when there is money in my pocket? How completely weird is that?

So now I am working on decoupling my emotional state from my financial status. I'll let you know how it goes!

Please read the article Fort Worth Police Chief: That Faggot Had It Coming and then please write a letter to the mayor and/or city council of Fort Worth.