I've spent most of my life in Vermont. I'm 50 and have lived here for 30 or so of those years. Never have I seen what I am seeing today. The air is filled with smoke. I can barely see the mountain 2 miles away. The forests of Quebec are burning.

This spring has been very dry and I've been aware of the fire danger. Having spent some time out west in the last few years I learned to be cautious about fire. I saw a forest fire in British Columbia in 2005. This is so rare here in the verdant moist northeast, I have never seen it before.

Now do you believe in climate change?

Deer ticks had not made it this far north when I went traveling in 2005. Winters were too cold. Now they are here.

Now do you believe in climate change?

The Gulf of Mexico is being poisoned by oil and the toxic chemicals BP is using to try to appear effective.

Humanity is getting it's wake up calls and some people are still in denial.

BUT never fear! Life will win out! Earth can and will heal from our many insults. I am not worried about Earth.

Humanity, though, appears to be committed to reducing its numbers. We are killing ourselves fast with war and violence, and more slowly by poisoning the surface of Earth. As in any ecosystem, when one life form overpopulates, nature culls it. We are part of nature so we are actually doing a lot of our own culling. The other life forms on Earth need us to reduce our numbers and to stop taking taking taking. If we won't do these things by choice it will be done to/for us by the rest of nature.

Life is sacred. By sacred I mean that life is immeasurably magnificent as part of the cosmos. Life will continue, forms change.

It’s another beautiful May day in Vermont. It’s the 23rd which is my mother’s birthday. She’d be 82! My father’s birthday was 5 days ago and he’d be 89.

Life is somewhat idyllic for me right now. The weather is nice. The little garden I planted in Northfield is growing. I’m eating mustard greens already, volunteers that self seeded last fall. I’m teaching another term at BVU. The class is about globalism and what’s happening to/on the Earth, which is pretty timely, and the students are very engaged which is satisfying for me as a teacher.

I have been watching as the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico continues to unfold, or should I say to grease the surface of the gulf. The scope and scale of this is hard to fathom. The amount of death and destruction will be imeasureable. It’s only just starting. This will trouble the region for years, possibly decades and beyond. I’ve been watching and feeling this weird calm about it all. If I got as upset as I could over this it would make me ill, so I haven’t let myself go there. If I believed that my own upset would heal this then I’d do it in a heartbeat, but that is not the case.

Now there are conspiracy theories surfacing about this event. Did Haliburton sabotage the drilling rig in order to keep Royal Dutch Shell from winning the franchise to drill in the region? Is the creation of a dead zone and the eventual human depopulation of the region a goal for someone? It seems insane, but then we know that most of the people “at the top” are insane because they keep authorizing murder and destruction of Earth so, why should this situation be any different? I do not have the answers. In a way, it doesn’t matter. This is all part of our collective dream, our collective nightmare.

Much of what’s happening on Earth is the result of human activity. We have polluted the air, the water, and the soil. We have polluted ourselves. We have set in motion gradual release of poisons into the environment, i.e. nuclear reactors dumped in the seas, slowly leaking plutonium into the waterways of the Earth. We have changed so many things through imbalanced use of the gifts the Earth offers. There are too many of us, and we don’t seem to be getting any smarter as a group.

I am watching it unfold, as you are. I am working with friends to make community, to grow and eat healthy food, to laugh and cry, to love and support. I continue to experience my own emotional spiritual journey with the specifics that are unique to me, and to be part of the journey we are all on together.

Much love to us all.

Three weeks since my last entry. In that time I celebrated the 50th anniversary of my birth. Yay! There have been a few small gatherings, much cake eaten, some wonderful heartfelt talks, and I’m not done yet.

I started doing a written inventory, which was interesting, but then I dropped it. It isn’t necessary to create a detailed list of where I am at this point in my life, but it has been wonderful to do some assessing. Suffice to say that, at 50 years old, with many joys and sorrows behind me, within me, I am inspired enough, interested enough, to want to experience more life.

Today I am in what is essentially a human made cave; an earth-ship dug into the south-facing side of a hill, rammed-earth filled tires for retaining walls, glass facing south, wood stove, with a snow storm outside. It was springtime weather 2 days ago, I was naked in the sun, and now there are 20” of snow on the ground and it’s still falling.

I love the cozy snug feeling of a fire in the stove, snow falling outside, cats lounging about the place.

Full moon, Beltaine nearly upon us, the quiet of this place...I am nourished.

Today I see in the news that Barack Obama has requested an additional $33 BILLION for his war in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

It made me wonder about the children of presidents. US presidents all leave office covered with the blood of innocent people. It's been thus for quite some time. How do their children deal with this? Malia and Sasha are young, but in the not too distant future they will understand that their father has ordered the murders of thousands of women, children, and men whose only crime was that they lived in an area coveted by the US government and the corporations that run it.

When Sasha and Malia have children, will they give a thought as to whether or not they should leave their kids with Grandpa Barack? The depravity that has settled in his heart and soul will not just disappear. He will live the rest of his life knowing he is a murderer. His wife knows it. His friends know it. Of course no one will say it to his face, but they know. I know. You know. Like Bush before him, and Clinton before him, and Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy, and back and back. That is, after all, the american way. This country, founded on slavery and genocide, has proceeded to kill, rape, and steal, on a global scale.

Some people might call me anti-american for saying such things. If being pro-american means justifying all this killing, then I am anti-american. If being pro-american means reveling in the blood of innocents, then I am anti-american. If being pro-american means agreeing with bankrupting the country, consigning the poor to more poverty and enriching the wealthy 1% that owns 99% of the wealth, then I am anti-american.

Love my country right or wrong? That is a position taken by unevolved immature foolish ignorant people. How can anyone condone what this country has become?

The US isn't the only nation state to exist on the blood of innocents. Many countries on Earth embrace the same immorality, lack of ethics, boldfaced greed and cruelty. But I live here, and so I am commenting about this country.