Sometimes my own process amazes me. I identified my lack of future vision in my last entry. I seem to have worked that through because I am now into house drawings and site plans, town regulations and looking for free stuff on Craig's list.

The act of naming what is in the way often serves to move me forward through the obstacle. Naming the blockage helps me to digest it and get past it, not by avoiding it but by integrating it.

I am into my second week of news fasting. It's not a 100% fast, more like 95%, but not reading all that depressing information certainly has improved my mood!

The next thing I want to have happen is for some wonderful progressive business to become enamored of my radio show and become a sponsor. Hold that vision for me folks!

I just read an article in the Burlington Free Press, a pretty horrible Gannet newspaper here in Vermont. It’s about Vermonter Peter Galbraith, who works for the UN and is one of the warmongers encouraging continued war in Afghanistan. What a disgusting example of a human being, justifying all this killing with all these ideological lies. Pah. I spit in your face Peter Galbraith. Your willingness to support the imperial US war machine makes you a disgusting corrupt lying warmonger.

I start out each morning fresh and quickly remember the lying and killing and destroying that is going on. I am enraged, and either I just feel that rage or I tamp it down and end up depressed. I need to channel the rage in a different way. I’m working on it.

Seeking a home, wanting a home, needing a home, and yet struggling with the whole idea of tomorrow. I am able to design and build a hybrid earth ship/straw bale home in Vermont. I have a place, with good people, on gorgeous land. I have the design in my head, I just need to get it on paper. It is doable. And yet I feel blocked because I am having a hard time believing in tomorrow. I can manifest anything but I have to believe in it, and right now I am acknowledging how hard it is for me to see much of a future. I’m working my way through this, I will keep you all posted.

Last night's radio show was a lot of fun, and yet another example of ways to respond to societal insanity with love.

With all of the racist anti-Obama "stuff" floating to the surface lately (note: I do not think all opposition or criticism of Obama is race related, there are plenty of really good reasons to criticize and hold his feet to the fire) the level of discourse in the US is sinking to a new low for my lifetime. People marched in Washington DC this weekend because they don't want to extend health care to the poorest among us, while saying nothing about trillions spent on war and "bailing out" financial institutions. the blindness in all that is astounding.

I do get it that people are scared and are reacting from their fear, but they are being pumped full of that fear by the extremist right wing pundits. It's ugly. I also get it that Obama is, primarily, another corporate player doing mostly all the wrong things. I think he's doing a terrible job of bringing the change he was elected to bring. That being said I am disgusted by the racist ranting and demagoguery aimed at him and his family, and de facto at every other "non-white" person in the country.

So last night when the PMP Band showed up to play I was really thinking about how to somehow address these issues during the radio show. I talked about it with a couple of the band members. We didn't come to any conclusions, but they played great music including some songs that hit right on the topic of people getting along. More than that, PMP embodies the kind of inter-racial harmony that we know is possible. The band members vary in skin tone, and it's not an issue. It's almost silly to even write about it because it IS a non-issue, as it should be.

The music was tight and hot and loving, and definitely moved me literally and figuratively. The show is available to download, and PMP just put some videos up on YouTube so those are available too. Go to Paradigms and check out the September 13 show.

It's a rainy cool day in Vermont. It's also four years since hurricane Katrina made landfall in New Orleans changing countless lives, including this one that I am living.

My awareness is overflowing these days. It has been for some time now, and it seems to always be increasing. I sense the sticky web of human manufacture which is how we have organized ourselves thus far. We have filled our lives with meaningless tasks, busy-work, complicated tortuous bureaucratic pathways which one must navigate to live in this context. Work, money, bills, debts, politics; large entities we call governments and corporations are standing like giants with their feet right on the throats of the populace. We've poisoned the earth and set in motion, or added to the natural momentum, changes in the biosphere which result in the daily loss of species, changes in the atmosphere,in the water cycles, toxins daily being put into the food supply...the list goes on and on. You know. The lack of humanity amongst humans is more than ever, as there are more humans than there ever have been. [Tangent: I propose that the reason for this many humans is that the universe needs to experience as many perspectives as it can, AND that in order for humans to deliberately evolve we need a lot of momentum; the momentum of many many people.]

I've been very in touch with my anger about all this. I feel a lot of anger about the fact that I was/we were born into a system of enslavement to that sticky web, which is manipulated by the least evolved among us, the power hungry. The disease of greed infects each of us in our own way. I overeat. That's my gluttony. We all have our places of excess, especially in, but limited to, the privileged US of A.

I have come to disagree with those who say that anger can only be destructive. There is such a thing as constructive anger. It's different from acting out angrily. Constructive anger provides heat, fuel, for heartfelt intuitively guided intelligently conceived action. Acting out angrily is a kind of tantrum. The two are very different, and each has their place. I prefer to have my tantrums by myself or with friends for whom listening to me rant is not distressing. Luckily I have such friends. But action, to be effective, requires energy. Altruism provides a certain amount, sometimes a lot, of energy. Altruism has faith and hope as two of it's main ingredients, as well as idealism. These days I find altruism to be inadequate for the tasks at hand. I find myself accessing my rage, and wanting it to inform me in heartfelt intuitively guided intelligently conceived actions. My radio show is one manifestation. Anger based in love is different than anger based in fear or hate.

Friends die, new ones are born, and are quickly assimilated into the constructs we've accepted; by trauma, family problems, circumcision, environment, school...we see how the beautiful kids are enrolled into "the system" and how it gradually changes them, just as it changed us.

I think to myself, there must be better ways to live.