Last night's radio show was a lot of fun, and yet another example of ways to respond to societal insanity with love.

With all of the racist anti-Obama "stuff" floating to the surface lately (note: I do not think all opposition or criticism of Obama is race related, there are plenty of really good reasons to criticize and hold his feet to the fire) the level of discourse in the US is sinking to a new low for my lifetime. People marched in Washington DC this weekend because they don't want to extend health care to the poorest among us, while saying nothing about trillions spent on war and "bailing out" financial institutions. the blindness in all that is astounding.

I do get it that people are scared and are reacting from their fear, but they are being pumped full of that fear by the extremist right wing pundits. It's ugly. I also get it that Obama is, primarily, another corporate player doing mostly all the wrong things. I think he's doing a terrible job of bringing the change he was elected to bring. That being said I am disgusted by the racist ranting and demagoguery aimed at him and his family, and de facto at every other "non-white" person in the country.

So last night when the PMP Band showed up to play I was really thinking about how to somehow address these issues during the radio show. I talked about it with a couple of the band members. We didn't come to any conclusions, but they played great music including some songs that hit right on the topic of people getting along. More than that, PMP embodies the kind of inter-racial harmony that we know is possible. The band members vary in skin tone, and it's not an issue. It's almost silly to even write about it because it IS a non-issue, as it should be.

The music was tight and hot and loving, and definitely moved me literally and figuratively. The show is available to download, and PMP just put some videos up on YouTube so those are available too. Go to Paradigms and check out the September 13 show.

It's a rainy cool day in Vermont. It's also four years since hurricane Katrina made landfall in New Orleans changing countless lives, including this one that I am living.

My awareness is overflowing these days. It has been for some time now, and it seems to always be increasing. I sense the sticky web of human manufacture which is how we have organized ourselves thus far. We have filled our lives with meaningless tasks, busy-work, complicated tortuous bureaucratic pathways which one must navigate to live in this context. Work, money, bills, debts, politics; large entities we call governments and corporations are standing like giants with their feet right on the throats of the populace. We've poisoned the earth and set in motion, or added to the natural momentum, changes in the biosphere which result in the daily loss of species, changes in the atmosphere,in the water cycles, toxins daily being put into the food supply...the list goes on and on. You know. The lack of humanity amongst humans is more than ever, as there are more humans than there ever have been. [Tangent: I propose that the reason for this many humans is that the universe needs to experience as many perspectives as it can, AND that in order for humans to deliberately evolve we need a lot of momentum; the momentum of many many people.]

I've been very in touch with my anger about all this. I feel a lot of anger about the fact that I was/we were born into a system of enslavement to that sticky web, which is manipulated by the least evolved among us, the power hungry. The disease of greed infects each of us in our own way. I overeat. That's my gluttony. We all have our places of excess, especially in, but limited to, the privileged US of A.

I have come to disagree with those who say that anger can only be destructive. There is such a thing as constructive anger. It's different from acting out angrily. Constructive anger provides heat, fuel, for heartfelt intuitively guided intelligently conceived action. Acting out angrily is a kind of tantrum. The two are very different, and each has their place. I prefer to have my tantrums by myself or with friends for whom listening to me rant is not distressing. Luckily I have such friends. But action, to be effective, requires energy. Altruism provides a certain amount, sometimes a lot, of energy. Altruism has faith and hope as two of it's main ingredients, as well as idealism. These days I find altruism to be inadequate for the tasks at hand. I find myself accessing my rage, and wanting it to inform me in heartfelt intuitively guided intelligently conceived actions. My radio show is one manifestation. Anger based in love is different than anger based in fear or hate.

Friends die, new ones are born, and are quickly assimilated into the constructs we've accepted; by trauma, family problems, circumcision, environment, school...we see how the beautiful kids are enrolled into "the system" and how it gradually changes them, just as it changed us.

I think to myself, there must be better ways to live.

Death brings a certain clarity. Being in the space of grieving is different than "regular" time. For me it is a time of reflection. With Lasky's death I have been feeling the immense richness and variety of experiences I have had. I've felt a lot, seen a lot, heard a lot, lived many different ways with lots of different people from all over the world. I've had deep amazing relationships with people and animals and plants and rocks and clouds and ...everything. Huge gratitude.

Grieving is a process of change. Someone dies. Everything is changed.

Grief rolls off me in waves. I metamorphose into someone else, someone who exists without that lost loved one.

It takes time. Weeping is the shedding of molecules which have been intricately woven into who I am; molecules of connection with my friend who is now gone.