Last night I was lying in the yome in the dark, feeling my belly gurgle, asking my intestines for a night of NOT running out to the shitter every 15 minutes...and I got what I asked for. I slept and dreamt. Thank you gut! Today I am still sick with whatever it is, or at least the purging from within continues.

Back to last night in the dark, remembering the ritual death that precedes the rebirth of the shaman, embraced being in the dark, aware of "my situation." I have removed myself pretty far from mainstream america. I don't work at a job like most people. I don't have health insurance (well I guess that's pretty mainstream now). My bank accounts are nearly empty. I don't own "real" property. I have less possessions than at any previous time in my life save infancy.

All that brings me to an interesting crossroad in identity, in self concept. I could be afraid of being in freefall, of "not being ok." And I do have a touch of that, but mostly I feel the satisfaction of being on the right path. I have viable plans for 2008 which are congruous with my values. Relationships with people, animals, plants, and places all supersede my relationship with materialism. Life is good.

I've written two pieces recently and submitted them for publication. One is called "Hope in Troubled Times" and the other is "Setting Limits on our Sociopaths."

Thanks to the folks emailing about my gut with concern and remedy suggestions. I just got test results...no parasites. Waiting to hear about bacterial infection. Still dealing with the same symptoms. There is a stomach flu going around here with similar symptoms, but it doesn't make sense to me that I would have gotten it right after starting to drink the nasty water, and that the symptoms would persist for so many weeks. We'll see, eh?

In other news, if you haven't been to http://commondreams.org lately, I suggest you check it out.

Currently dealing with digestive problems from bad water. The water tank where I stay turns out to have contained, in addition to water, numerous dead mice and lizards. My gut has been a mess for weeks. Today I went to the local ER and left some samples for analysis. I hope they find and identify whatever is making me sick, and prescribe the appropriate drugs ASAP. In the meantime I feel crappy. Literally. Not fun.

Other than my personal digestive drama, I've been quiet a lot, listening to my thoughts, clearing my head. That feels great.

I continue to keep abreast of the political situation(s) with a combination of morbid fascination, horror, disappointment, and understanding that there is a lot of momentum in play.

As more and more americans make it clear that they disdain the dictator Bush and his crew, I expect Bush will keep tightening the screws. Pakistan is like a preview of coming attractions.

What I really don't understand is the collaborators. How can Nancy Pelosi, or Diane Feinstein, just to name two, sleep at night? What have they been promised?

During one of the three Samhain rituals I've been part of this last 10 days, the priestess asked "What breaks your heart open?" It's this world, and everything in it, everything about it, breaks my heart open, brings me to tears of grief and joy, fills me with the inspiration to keep offering and experiencing and being.

What breaks your heart open?