David Crosby...Hail The Goer!

 I'm listening to David Crosby singing the Joni Mitchell song "For Free" and getting ready to start my day seeing clients for psychotherapy.  I see around 30 people a week, give or take.

Some days I wake up and think about the day before me and I have a sense of how it'll go, usually feeling positive.  Some days I wake up and feel overwhelmed by the day before me, by what I will do and by the world in general.

It's been this way for many years, for me...it's all one long day, with sleep periods.  A day goes by fast, a week goes by fast, months and years...speeding by.  I was 5, I was 15, I was 44, now I'm almost 63.  It goes fast. 

There's a lot of beauty and wonder in this life, for me at least, and also a lot of sadness and frustration with what I see, have seen my whole life; humans continuing to make choices that destroy beauty and wonder and innocence, from our wars to our polluting, from our fear-mongering religions to our exploitive economics, humans are doing that thing of repeating actions we already know are deadly or immoral, and hoping for different results this time, this time, this time.

Like many others I tell myself "there are better ways for us to be" and strive to embody those, but we are all part of the dysfunction; buying, using, throwing away...even when we recycle and compost, it's pretty difficult (not impossible) to live in a way that doesn't contribute to the polluting and exploiting. 

I find that I want to end these blog entries with some sort of concluding statement, but I don't have one.  I am left hanging with the big questions just like everybody else.  At least we are in it together.

What have we done?

This planet is amazing.  It provides everything we need on the physical plane and much inspiration and beauty for our ineffable selves to be nourished by.  And yet in just over a few thousand years we have turned much of this place into a polluted toxic hellhole, and the areas we haven't polluted yet, we're working on polluting as fast as we can.  Humanity seems to have some kind of deathwish.  I can't say I really object.  ALL the life forms on this planet would be better off without humans.  There are no life forms who benefit long term from human activity, including humans!  

Many philosophers, poets, and other artists have observed the contradiction that lies deep within humanity. We are capable of such creativity and of engaging with life in gentle loving ways, but we are also capable of immense cruelty, of ignoring what's right in front of us, and of a selfishness that is a betrayal to our kinder nature and to all that is offered to us by nature.

Many of us spend our lives attempting to put something good into the mix, healing, awareness, kindness, honesty.  The image I have is of walking through a toxic minefield scattering blossoms, which are lovely and fragrant but still the toxic minefield grows, extending in all directions. I don't know about you but I am feeling exhausted by this.

I'm not looking for solutions or answers or to be comforted.  This is how it is here.  Coming to terms with it is painful, sad, and can take my breath away.

Today

I have been so angry and sad watching the dismantling of civil rights in the United States this week by an illegitimate Court.  I am still enraged and disgusted, but the bottom line is that I am blown away by the love of cruelty displayed by the Republicans, the fundamentalist Christians, the Nazis, the KKK, etc., who have made common cause to harm those of us who are happy living outside of their paradigm.  They just can't stand the idea that people would be enjoying life, sexuality, each other, not according to the pathologically rigid repressive erotophobic anti-life strictures of their archaic and cruel religious beliefs. It makes them crazy that people can actually be allowed to be themselves no matter their race, class, gender, orientation, etc. so they set out to cause harm. Yes, it's about the cruelty.  The repressive nature of the christofascist white supremacist belief system perverts pro-life impulses into hate and violence and pleasure in causing harm.  We are witnessing something, it's not the first time, but it is happening; the birth of another rendition of the dark ages, when ignorance was enforced through religious hegemony, where life is not valued and the very few rule sadistically over the many.  The only question is, will we stand for it?  A wise woman spoke yesterday at a gathering and talked about how each time this patriarchal system assumes power, they are defeated more quickly.  May it be so.  So mote it be.

Zeus!

 Zeus is a puppy I met a few weeks ago at a local animal shelter.  He's almost grown into his feet so 14 months maybe?  Pit Bull mix, sort of a cinnamon color with a while blaze on his chest.  At the shelter he was alone in a cage and I went to him and gave him treats and he was very very very enthusiastic, and when I got up to go he just sat down and wailed.  Really heartbreaking.  He's very much a baby still.

Friday afternoon I picked Zeus up at the shelter and brought him home.  He is happy to be here and very curious, checking everything out.  He is very affectionate, starved in fact, and he's got a powerful little body and puppy energy.  We're working on "sit" which he now does, and "off" and "no jumping" which he is starting to respond to. He loves to chase the ball or the kong.  He likes the different foods he's getting.  He listens to everything and watches my every move and is clearly "taking it all in."  I suspect he hasn't lived in a house before.  He's a little head shy, so he was probably hit.  I am clumsy and I dropped a knife on the tile floor while cooking last night and he was very upset and frightened. He recovered quickly, though, with gentle coaxing and affection.  He runs around then he crashes, typical puppy.  He barks when he hears someone at the door or at the door to the next door place.

It's a beautiful thing, watching him blossom in a loving secure comfortable space.  He's been waiting for this.

Zeus needs a permanent home.  I can only have him for the summer as I have travel plans.  He will be some lucky someone's really great dog for a long time.  Anyone who's interested can contact me through this blog. He needs a good home with space, preferably country, and loving people who will treat him with kindness and invite him into their family.

There are so many animals who need homes.  I knew it, but going to the shelter and seeing all the dogs and cats, and so many kittens, I had to respond. Hint hint 😊

Here we are

Any field of life, whether a pond or a forest or a planet, has limits, capacities, processes that can be disrupted resulting in die off.  If we look at Earth over the last few hundred years we see an increase in activity, population, extraction, heat, pollution, the list goes on.  It looks and feels like we are headed for massive system breakdowns, in fact many of our human made social systems are already collapsing. Both the social contract and social safety infrastructures are disintegrating before our eyes. That is just the start.  Wait until large planetary systems collapse quickly.  We're getting close, with the oceans dying, the tipping of the Amazon rainforest which now emits more CO2 than it sequesters, and other such Earth systems collapsing under the weight of humanity's demands.  Record warm temperatures at both planetary poles has very significant ramifications.  The momentum is building, we all feel it whether we acknowledge it or not, and that is working on the collective psyche.  Fear of annihilation drives extremist politics and extreme religiousity, both of which shred the social contract.  We see this happening all around the world.

It's always nice to wrap up a blog entry with a pithy resolution.  I don't have one.  Here we are.

Can suffering be a catalyst for positive personal growth?

 I was recently interviewed by Mina Blair for her podcast MatChat.  Here's a link to that interview.

Can suffering be a catalyst for positive personal growth? with Baruch Zeichner

Belief - to Believe

Believe - From Middle English beleven, from Old English belēfan, from be- + lȳfan, lēfan to allow, believe; akin to Old High German gilouben to believe, Old English lēof dear 

How many times do we say or hear "I believe..." and what role does belief, as an action, play in the state of civility in society?

Basically it means that a belief is "something I hold dear."  We like our beliefs.  We are attached to our beliefs.  We defend them and even offer them to others, sometimes forcefully. Belief is something humans engage in.  "To Believe" is a verb, Belief is a noun. They are the product of Mind. The self-aware conscious mind that humans have makes belief inevitable.  We have experiences which inform our beliefs, and, we share ideas with each other.

Religions are sets of beliefs, but not all beliefs are religious.  Belief is the lens through which we see the world, through which we see ourselves. We have a choice, always, about what we believe.  We don't always know we have that choice. Beliefs, enacted, have consequences, sets things in motion. We see this in our politics.  We see this in our physical health and sense of well-being.

If we are to stop killing each other and become something better, frankly, then we currently are, we must learn to see belief for what it is, a personal choice of a way to see the world.  Not Truth.  Not universal. If each human really is a limitless universe of potential imagination, then it's clearly a fools errand to try to conquer another persons autonomy in any way.  It's absurd.  

We go through our lives interacting with each other, though less these days, but how many of our encounters are really fully present Encounters of the other person? Even if it's a person you're encountering through a bureaucratic function, to exchange some words that acknowledge each others personhood.

I have this idea to create a website where people can go who feel politically polarized and don't want to be polarized, who want to come together with others with a common mission, putting political differences aside. The way it would work is you would go to the website, enter your name and zip code. You would then be matched with others from yours and neighboring zip codes, and with a task that needs doing; a park cleanup, a garden planted, a playground fixed, things that benefit everyone.  The agreement is that by using this service you agree to put politics aside and really give it your all to work with people for the common good. What do you think?

Grief and Emergence

On October 3 my dear friend Zack died.  He was a 15 year old dog who had an amazing life.  He was kind, smart, funny at times, and very very much a person.  His natural body smell was like sugar donuts.  He inspired love in people who don't even like dogs. We were together for just over 10 years, together most days, most of the day, and he slept on my bed at night.  I know his death was approaching, he was old for a dog and a few months after we moved to New Mexico, he started to lose his appetite. He lost weight and became weaker and weaker, and finally it was time.  Horrible, awful, devastating, so so sad; I miss him all the time.

It's been almost 3 months.  I am starting to emerge from the depression of grieving for Zack.  Yesterday I went for a hike and today I worked out.  First time for both since Zack died.

2021 has been a year of grieving for our world, for the biosphere which humans continue to destroy, for the bare minimum of human decency which is being shredded by fascists, for all those suffering under the yoke of imperialist violence, for all the animals being mistreated by humans, etc etc.  I could go on and on.

I have never been one to deny my feelings, so I feel sadness and frustration about all of this.  I feel it every day.  I am not the only one, by far.

We really are all in this together. I am not a Christian by any means but when Jesus is quoted to have said "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" that quote resonates with me big time.  Until humanity matures and stops giving power to narcissists and other psychopaths, we will continue on this destructive path.  

Most humans are not narcissists, but we keep electing these psychopaths to seats of power.  They make promises and people buy into it, even after being deceived over and over.  Politicians are Lucy with the football and the voters are Charlie Brown. Don't you wish Charlie Brown would just walk away from Lucy, just once? It is the rest of us who keep electing these psychologically malformed persons, that need to mature, to stop looking for solutions from people in power and instead to insist that they actually be in service to the common good.  

May 2022 be a year of enlightenment for us all!

Uncertainty and Anxiety

 We live in uncertain times.  Covid, political unrest, climate change, all big issues that concern all of us because they threaten our well-being.  Humans instinctually do what it takes to survive, or at least what we think will allow us to survive.  Right now our survival faces threats that are biological and social, and these overlap.  The Corona Virus presents the most obvious threat to our survival, but since it has been politicized in some countries, like the US, there is overlap between the biological and the political.  Likewise climate change threatens our lives, and the politicization of climate change creates overlap again.  In other words, these three things all overlap in a Venn Diagram.  The point is that yes it is real, threats to human survival exist.

Humans are sensitive creatures.  We perceive with our physical senses and we perceive with our emotional senses.  We detect emotions in ourselves and others, and our emotions are often in response to our experiences.  We experience emotions regarding the threats I outlined above.  

If you are having emotional responses, if any aspects of our reality cause you to feel sad, or angry, or afraid, you might also be feeling some anxiety.  Anxiety is one of your body's natural responses to stress. It's a heightened state wherein your adrenal glands are activated, fueling your mind and body to respond to the stressor.  Sometimes anxiety is like an alarm, sometimes it's like a massive storm.

There are a variety of techniques one can employ to reduce anxiety.  Pharmaceuticals is one.  Nutritional and/or herbal remedies can also be helpful.  Learning to regulate your nervous system through mindfulness and breathing is perhaps the most accessible since it doesn't require a trip to the doctor or the store.

Relaxation & Finding Inner Teachings is a set of three audio recordings which lead the listener through a guided imagery experience designed to reduce anxiety and increase a sense of well-being.  If you have no experience with meditation or guided imagery, these are a great place to start.

If you are someone who already knows how to meditate or engage in deep relaxation, these tools can help you to reduce anxiety.  Knowing how to do something and remembering to do it, however, are two different things.  I encourage you to remember the tools you have, and to use them. You may already have at your disposal methods to make you feel better, even during these uncertain times.

Hey Empaths This Is For You!

 The trick to not being emotionally laid low by the world is to differentiate between one's personal challenges which one can effect, and the big "humanity sized" challenges which are rarely affected significantly by one person, and to adjust one's responses accordingly.

We all face whatever local challenges we face, in relationships, work life, finances, etc.; whatever these happen to be. We are able to make choices in these arenas, more or less, depending on a number of variables including the cultural or societal, depending on where we live.

Then there are the big humanity sized issues that change more gradually, and usually through social movements.  These are very gradual, groups of humans effect change on the global scale at a much slower rate than we individuals do in our local scenarios.

I have experienced, and may other empathic people have told me similar stories, a lot of distress from and about the big human issues; our brutality, corruption, and all that stuff.  It can be painful to be aware of these things, and we now have awareness of so much of what happens in the world because of the internet and the ubiquitous devices bringing us information all the time.  It's a bit much!

What I am learning is that if I separate out my personal local stuff from the big humanity sized stuff, when I am feeling most clear, I can choose to be aware of the big stuff and respond to it in whatever ways I choose, and not be laid low emotionally by all that, or at least be laid low emotionally less severely and less of the time.  If I focus on making my local situation as good as I can, and am fortunate to exist in a context where I can do that and appreciate that, it fuels my resilience for responding to the big stuff.

Responsibility, the ability to respond; if I can respond, especially in a creative or helpful way, however small, to the big issues, that also fuels my resilience in dealing with my local personal life issues.

People who are strongly empathic can find themselves experiencing empathy fatigue.  By working within ourselves we can reduce and maybe even prevent that.

This Human Journey

 Today I am recovering from my second dose of the Moderna Covid-19 vaccine.  Last night was rough; fever, aches, very unpleasant. Today I am better, though exhausted from last night.  I'm sure all that informs how I am feeling.

Reading about what's happening in Myanmar, children gunned down in the street by soldiers (with Russian weapons, supplied by Russia), dozens killed yesterday, and dozens in the weeks since the coup, and how many more?

10 people gunned down by yet another young white male shooter in the US; where is the response that says we must address why and how our society creates these killers?  I don't see it.  I don't hear it.

Violence is one of humanity's most enduring problems, our violence.  War, domestic violence, violence on the streets, the systemic violence of racism (Georgia passing Jim Crow voting restriction laws this week), violence against women (Minnesota Supreme Court ruling that it isn't rape if the woman ingested alcohol prior to the forced non-consensual sexual activity) and the list goes on and on.

Are we evolving or are we de-evolving? I wonder.

May the healing begin...

How to begin? How to turn the corner from the feelings of anger and grief, of feeling terrorized and violated, for myself and on behalf of others. I’m not quite there but I am beginning to see that it is necessary to turn this over, to let go of the vitriol and focus on what has been so horrific and appalling.

We’re emerging from four years of a deeply abusive relationship, complete with violence, gaslighting, pillaging, and more. The country has been traumatized, and it already was traumatized, but this last four years has been a concentrated dose of poison.

There are a lot of people for whom the abuse and trauma was not just psychological, it was and still is physical.  There are families that have been separated and may never find each other again.  There are over 400,000 people dead from a virus, many of those deaths were preventable.  People have been killed, and injured from the trickle down of bigotry from “on high.”  The wounds are many and healing is gradual.

Perhaps we need a Truth & Reconciliation process.  Perhaps we need to broadly encourage people to express themselves as part of their healing, in art, in sharing with loved ones, in ceremony and ritual even. This has been a nightmare and we are not out of it yet.  What happens next?  How DO we heal as a people?  Do we have to heal as individuals first?  Maybe they are the same thing.  

Our country was facing huge challenges before this period of toxic regression and chicanery, and those challenges did not go away.  Some are now more difficult.  Some areas have made progress, ironically because of the virus. We add to all of that the recovery and reconstruction required now. It looks like a lot of work. 

Part of our work has got to be celebrating and helping each other.  Isn't that the antidote to cruelty and deceit?

On this day...

 It's Sunday, the day I shop at 7 AM, during the "Old People's" shopping time.  It's my one outing, and it's weekly.  I shopped as usual, and driving home, listening to George Harrison "Living in the Material World" I felt so strongly George's presence, and I asked him to help.  Help me.  Whatever the work is that's left for me, and there seems to be plenty of it, I am still here, and I sure could use help.  Then they just flooded in, all my beloved dead; Maureen, my parents, my brother, Madelin; so many have passed.  And I remembered how all of us who live are descended from people who lived through so much.  I thought of my friend Yoeke's mother, who survived a nazi concentration camp.  I think of my melinated friends and what they go through.  

On this week's episode of Paradigms I spoke with Sandor Katz about his new book "Fermentation as Metaphor".  One thing he shared is that we are each made up of and host to trillions of micro-organisms, and it made me think, maybe we can appeal to or somehow reach out to the micro-organisms in the people who are filled with rage and believing lies and pushing a violent racist agenda.  We know that meditation changes the literal vibrations around the meditator.  Do these concepts offer ways to get through to people who are so lost they don't believe their own eyes and ears anymore, but only what they are told by someone they idolize? 

It's morning still, early.  What will this day bring?  

New Strategies for a Different World

Growing up in the US has been about getting through school, maybe even college, finding work, having friendships and relationships.  For some people it means surviving adverse conditions, white supremacy, police violence, but for everyone regardless of level of privilege there is always the idea that if you play your cards right and have some good luck you just might end up with a life you want, amount of luck depending on numerous variables.

"Getting what I want" is the driving force behind capitalism, which is destroying the world.

Now we are faced with a global pandemic, likely being used to commit genocide in some places, being successfully subdued in others.  Here in the US west the fires have created a new normal of toxic smoke and all it brings; toxic soil, sick wildlife and pets, gardens we cannot eat, and more.

After 2 weeks of not seeing the sky, and breathing in noxious fumes, I panicked and started preparing to move back to Vermont.  I mobilized friends and family and found an apartment to move into and have been getting ready to move, but with misgivings.  Big rent, in town living with my dog who is a country dog (as am I!), the drive across the country; all fuel my doubts.

Indecision has never been a big issue for me.  Generally I have a good idea of what choice to make in most situations.  That's been one of the things that I appreciated in this life.  Now I am not feeling decisive.

What I am realizing today is that my fantasy of my comfy little life where I work as much as I want and can take breaks without huge financial strife, where the sky is blue and the soil is not poisoned and I can grow things and enjoy...lovely images, have lived parts of it, but right now we are in a time where what I want is not even close to the top of the priority list anymore.  In order to respond effectively to the many stressors we are all facing, I need to rise to the occasion, and put my own personal wants aside so I can focus on the tasks at hand.  It's a challenge. Translated this means...stay in the toxic zone and help heal the soil and the air and the water.

I am not deciding, I am exploring possibilities.

It's about relinquishing ego and attachment. The ongoing work.

Paradigms Notes: Leaving social media, and how are artists surviving?

I hope this finds you well in these trying times!

This week I decided to remove the Twitter and Facebook links from the Paradigms website.  It's been coming.  I had already closed my accounts on both sites, but I hadn't gotten around to removing the links.  I finally did and it feels good to sever those connections. I removed the Google ads last year and stopped advertising on Google.  Right now Paradigms exists with no advertising at all.

Twitter and Facebook (and their subsidiaries and affiliates) have shown such disregard and lack of responsibility in administering and monitoring themselves, and this for money, that anything I would do that puts money in their coffers at all, I wanted to stop.  From selling users' private information to making secret deals to effect elections, it's clear that there are no ethics involved, just greed.

The other thing I did is I signed up for an ASCAP license.  Paradigms has had a BMI license for years, which means that music on the show is licensed and the artist gets something, probably not much, per play of their music.  Not every artist has a BMI account, some have ASCAP, so by signing up for an ASCAP license it means more musicians will get paid through Paradigms.

The Paradigms revenue stream comes through the Patreon page, which, right now, brings in $65 a month.  That $780 a year is about a third of the cost of putting on the show, maintaining the website, etc. The rest comes out of my pocket, and I earn my money doing therapy and make between $30k and $40k a year before taxes.

Why be transparent about this?  Because while Paradigms is my creation, the support of listeners is part of what sustains it.  Even though the monthly revenue is small it not only helps pay the bills, it helps remind me that people value Paradigms, which is the mission, to add value to people's lives.  The cost of producing the show will go up with the ASCAP license, and as I said, that is money that will go to artists, so worth supporting.

Since Covid the number of radio stations downloading Paradigms from the Pacifica Audio Port has gone from 6 to 50 (some weeks) which means more people are hearing the show.  That is very exciting!

Thanks for reading, and thank you for listening to Paradigms!

People are the problem, People have the power!

August is the month of a lot of really painful anniversaries for me; murder, death, divorce, hard stuff.  Here we are.

The US is enduring genocide at the hands of the man in the White House.  It's been exposed as intentional genocide and no one has done anything.  He hasn't been arrested.  Not a word from Congress.  Nothing.  Genocide!

What is wrong with people??  We know what's wrong with people.  We know about the dumbing down, the poison food air and water, the toxic electronica, the toxic "entertainment", the political maneuvering to trick people, voter suppression, etc.

Did you know that watching murder is the biggest entertainment in the US?  TV shows and movies all exalt violence, especially violence against women, especially at the hands of men of color. What does it do to people to see that stuff? Over and over...

This is a very sick society, and the problem is people! Smart people, stupid people, nice people, mean people, people are the problem.  Without people this planet would be paradise for all the other life forms here.

I'm not saying we should get rid of all the people.  I'm saying that we the people need to learn to behave decently.  Greed and selfishness seem to be the guiding forces for much of humanity in modern times.  The uber wealthy/greedy are more concerned with their hoards than with the well being of their planet and their species.  That is mental illness.  That's what it all boils down to.  Whether it's a religious war (greed for the souls of people) or oil war (greed for money) or the oppression of women (greed for control) or the genocide of political opponents (greed for power) or any of the other ways we manifest greed, that is the big problem.

I don't have the answer.  I don't know what "the fix" would be.  I do know that the greedy few in power must be brought down, and no one allowed to achieve that kind of despotic power again.  Putin, Xi, Trump, Bolsonaro, Johnson, Orban, Duda, Zelensky, Sanchez, and more, should all be deposed and imprisoned for crimes against humanity.  They all oppress and repress the people of their countries.  They practice racism, sexism, ecocide, and wealth hoarding. How can this be acceptable?  How can it be OK that these men, notice they are all men, are allowed to lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, and destroy, and nothing is done?  They are not held accountable?  It's appalling.

I don't believe in "hope" anymore.  Obama destroyed that word for me by using it to lie to us.  I do believe in possibilities, however, and I know it is possible to create a world that is just and fair and peaceful.  It's got to be!

For anyone out there waiting on divine intervention, YOU are the divine intervention!  You want a miracle?  Look around you at Life.  There are your miracles.  Now, be divine!  Act with the common good in mind.  Help alleviate suffering.  Be your best self!

Here is why racism is not a mental illness

I’ve been thinking a lot about this question, is racism a form of mental illness? I work in psych so this is something I am thinking about lately, especially.

On the one hand we cannot excuse racist attitudes and actions, even if they are the result of mental illness, and at the same time we want to address mental illness AND racism as societal problems.

I have seen people in a psychotic episode say horrible hateful things including racist things. We have obviously seen people NOT in a psychotic episode saying hateful racist things. So where’s the overlap? And why do some people say those things when they are psychotic but not when that are NOT psychotic, and why do some people say these things when they are NOT psychotic?

I think hating someone because of the color of their skin is the sign of an unhealthy mind. I can’t imagine anything else. It is learned, it is part of unhealthy power/over indoctrination, and it’s based in fear and lies.

The term “mental illness” is so broad, it covers a lot of territory. But back to the question, are racists inherently mentally ill in some way? Is racism a manifestation of some kind of mental illness?

What I am arriving at is that racism can exist in people who both are and are not mentally ill. A mentally ill person who has learned racism might express their racism through their mentally ill behaviors, but the mental illness does not cause the racism. Likewise a person with no discernible mental illness can learn racism and be a racist covertly or overtly not as part of any psychological syndrome.

What are your thoughts?

Death is personal

Last night I watched on my computer screen as my oldest brother died.  He was in the hospital with Covid, experiencing organ failure.  Our other two brothers and their families were there too, on Zoom.  Adam was unconscious but we talked to him and played some of his favorite Jazz in the background for a couple of hours, then the nurse extubated him, and then he died after a few minutes.

I've been through the deaths of my parents, closest friend, other close friends, lovers, clients, colleagues, and animal friends.  Grief has always been present in my life.

When someone has always been part of your life and then they die it's world changing.

When someone you love is murdered it's a special kind of trauma.  When someone you love is murdered in a genocide perpetrated by the President of one's own country, well I don't have words for that yet.