It is nearly a week since EAT ended. I am exhausted. I am tired to my bones. I am also peopled out. Anyone who knows me well knows that my tolerance for lots of people has it's limits. I am there. I'll recharge and be up for more people again, but for now I need down time, a few friends at a time, solitude,, NO rushing, NO deadlines, just time and space to get back to my native pace so my intrinsic motivations can resume.

I have visited some news sites in the last 24 hours. I am better off not doing so. All this drama and violence, and so much attention paid to the abrahamic religions. The old synagogue in Berlin has been refurbished, with gold and beauty. The muslims are celebrating Ramadan. The christians are doing their usual repression and preaching hate of gays. It's all business as usual for these sects which have enslaved much of the world.

Judaism, christianity and islam are all based on belief in this one god who proclaims loudly that he is jealous, must come first before all others, and who instructs his followers to kill and maim, to defile the land, to treat women like possessions...the list goes on. This god resembles nothing so much as a sociopath.

I long for the day when earth is peopled by those who revere nature, who treat each other with kindness or at least without bloodthirsty cruelty. I long for the day when the abrahamics do not wield the power of the gun, the sword, the bomb.

It is not only the abrahamics who indulge the murderous aspect of their human nature, to be sure, but here in "the west" it is the abrahamics who authorize the hate and violence of nations, the racism against indigenous people, and the war against the Earth. I wish they would stop.

Today I will do some more around this place with my roommate, maybe go for a swim in Molly's Pond, and relax.

Today is a day off. The Earth Activist Training is at it's mid-point. The first week has come and gone. In the yard outside the earthship there are newly sheetmulched beds, a new fire pit area, an herb spiral, and the base for a cob oven. Last night we held a public Lammas ritual in Montpelier. Over 300 people came! It was really fun and energizing. I knew a small fraction of the folks who showed up, which was particularly wonderful; to have offered something to the community and to have so many people show up really affirms the value of the endeavor. Maybe I'll host more public rituals.

It is sunny and promises to be hot today. I think I will find a place to go for a swim.

Wow. I am really exhausted. I haven't worked this yard in years. It's great! We are getting so much done here in the earthship at Neruda. I don't use names in my blog as a general practice so this could sound confusing, but it isn't really. There is a couple that already live here. They built the earthship. They are both involved in preparing for EAT. One of them is doing a lot of wiring, plumbing, and other construction, on the kitchen in I daresay our side of the earthship. He set up the gas stoves yesterday, and worked on the sink today, and built a platform for the two refrigerators. I built a counter space with shelves for some countertops from Freecycle. Later we cooked dinner in the new kitchen.

EAT work exchange folks are arriving. More are expected tomorrow night. The teachers arrive next week and then on July 25 we kick it off for 2 weeks of permaculture, activism, and magic. It will be a blast. Along with the course, and with valued help, I am also coordinating a sneak preview on July 24 of Starhawk and Donna Read's new film, Permaculture - The Growing Edge, and on July 31 a public Lammas ritual in Montpelier, VT. Lots of people are putting out lots of energy so these events can happen. It's very exciting to be part of so many people working together to make good things available.

Preparing the earthship for EAT is also preparing the earthship for me to live in after EAT. The way it is now, with some winterizing, will be ok for this winter. Next spring we will build the three bedroms; one for me, one for a friend who lives 1/2 time in Jamaica, and one for another friend. Next year we will build those and also get to some mad gardening all over this hillside, as well as raising some animals like sheep, a bullock, chickens (which we already have!) and more. It's what I have always wanted, all my life; to live in the country and grow food and share space and work hard and also relax a lot. It's an interesting time of the world for this to be happening in my life. Feels like just in the nick of time.

Another aspect of doing all this work and focusing on these events is I don't have time to read the news. I barely have time to keep up with my scrabble games on facebook. No news is a relief. It's like I plugged an energy leak. The amount of energy it takes to worry and be pissed off or whatever one feels after ingesting "news" is better spent planting a garden or feeding chickens.

I'm taking a hiatus from Paradigms for the rest of the summer. I did 53 episodes in 56 weeks. I am due for a break so I can recharge that part of my brain with new experiences and ideas. I will start it up again in September.

What's going on with you? Whoever you are reading this, how about leaving a comment about what's going on in your life? I'd love that. Be well.

love,
Baruch

Summer 2010 will be remembered as pivotal in the war on the environment. With the help of British Petroleum, the current administrator of the corporation of the USA, Barack Obama, has killed the Gulf of Mexico to make an oil sea. This will allow for oil extraction from water, simpler than all those expensive wells and pipelines.

The corporation of the USA is now exposed fully. We know they target and murder people around the world. We know the players are owned by corporations; banks, oil companies, big pharma, etc. We know the elections are bought and paid for. And we feel the sizzling heat of global warming while corporate government agencies pretend to take action, all the while maximizing profit for the few while creating policies that destroy the Earth and kill indigenous and "poor" people globally.

Still we allow sociopaths to be in power, to tell us what to do, from the psychopaths in government to the thugs called "police." This is what we have created, and we are the ones who can uncreate it. You can help. Question authority. Use less, much less! Eschew money, instead trade barter gift! Every little thing we do, and we all do, that connects with oil or money, helps keep the monstrous machine in motion. The way to stop it is to refuse to feed it. Become downwardly mobile financially (most of us are already anyhow) grow food, buy local if you must buy, build soil, and demand accountability from local, state, and federal representatives of the corporate government. You won't get accountability, but you will piss them off and use their time, and that's worth a lot.

We seem to be having one of those wet summers. Hmm. I have high hopes that it will rain less in July and August. Of course all this rain means that the seasonal jungle which is Vermont in the summer is in full growing madness. It's not even July and there are squash on the plants in the garden I planted in Northfield. There are no-see-ems out already.

I am fully engaged in the preparations for EAT. Yesterday my friend from Jamaica and I picked up our first truckload of compost from the incredibly beautiful organic dairy farm of some friends in Barre. This farm is so gorgeous and so well kept, it should be a heritage farm or something. The cows are so healthy and happy, the barn clean and organized, the fields lush, the views extraordinary. Blew me away. Today we will sheet mulch with that compost and get the EAT kitchen garden started finally!

I'm in the next step of the transition to living outside this summer. The last two nights I've slept in my tent up by the beaver pond on the land in Marshfield. My friend from Jamaica is here, and we're making out campsite. We have the start of a kitchen. Another friend loaned me a blowtorch and I tell you, you can make a cup of coffee really fast with a blowtorch. I wish I'd known about blowtorch cooking years ago!

It rained yesterday and last night so it has been a soppy campsite. I'm very happy to say that I can go up the hill to the campsite with no leg pain! I was in agonizing pain doing that walk a few weeks ago but I've been riding my bike and stretching and getting stronger.

Living outside changes everything. It reorders my psyche. There is no urgency at all, no electrical hum vibrating through me, no feeling of schedule or time. There is just...the lilies, the mountain, the pond, the wild strawberries, the symphony of birdsong, and on and on. I love it. It is such a gift and a privilege to be able to be surrounded by such beauty.

Now, though, I am back in Northfield. I have three days of stuff to do that require me to shower and wear clean dry nice clothes. I am performing a wedding on Saturday for a dear friend, so tomorrow is the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, then the ceremony Saturday, then Sunday I have the radio show. My friend from Jamaica is also doing other stuff for the weekend, visiting her kids and friends etc. Monday we'll go back and resume. Next week's task is to get some vegetables planted and keep working on the campsite, and probably other stuff as well because we are preparing to host EAT in July!

The Earth Activist Training is a great permaculture course and we are hosting it for 2 weeks July - August. People are coming from as far as Australia and Brazil. It's very exciting and fun, and of course the EAT family grows and people go off and do amazing things in far flung places, so it's all about offering and helping and service. There is a lot to do in preparation, so that is happening.

The more time I spend in Marshfield the more I like being there. The folks who own the land are pretty amazing; smart, kind, ethical, generous, etc. They have invited people to form community with them in this place, and really opened their lives to people, and they do it with so much grace, showing a kind of commitment and communion with life that I find inspiring.

Another aspect of this living is that I have no idea what the most recent catastrophes are, or about whatever is the latest corruption scandal. That's very nice.

Onward!

love,
Baruch

I love the little garden I planted on the lawn. Last year I sheetmulched a roughly 6 x 15 piece of the front lawn and grew my summer veggies there. This spring the garden came back with a volunteer bumper crop of mustard greens. It's been such a warm spring that I planted my regular stuff in mid May and it all survived; potatoes, garlic, 2 summer squashes, red kale, green chard, more mustard, 3 kinds of bush beans, arugula, dill, sage, basil. I've been eating mustard greens for weeks and just started on the arugula.

I was outside weeding today. In fact I can't keep myself from it. I go out and weed many times a day. I've never been into weeding but I am really enjoying pulling out the grass sprouts and making room for the kale babies and the chard.

This morning started with an email from my Aunt telling me that my Uncle had died yesterday. He was in his late 80's. He had a peaceful passing. He was the last of the 5 Zeichner brothers of which my father was the eldest. This uncle was the middle son, the one who would have been a pro baseball player in New York where they lived but his mother wouldn't allow him to practice or play on the sabbath. They were orthodox Jews from Austro-Hungary and Romania.

I haven't spoken with my Uncle in a while, maybe a year or two? My Aunt had emailed just a week or two ago to say that he was in a convalescent home and that his lucidity was starting to fade.

me today
in the garden
a middle aged man with a paunch
weeding
talking to the plants
eating them
enjoying the aliveness of the garden
the magic of seeds
that grow
bear fruit
die
and grow again.

Blessings on your journey Uncle, until next time if there is one.

love,
Baruch

I've spent most of my life in Vermont. I'm 50 and have lived here for 30 or so of those years. Never have I seen what I am seeing today. The air is filled with smoke. I can barely see the mountain 2 miles away. The forests of Quebec are burning.

This spring has been very dry and I've been aware of the fire danger. Having spent some time out west in the last few years I learned to be cautious about fire. I saw a forest fire in British Columbia in 2005. This is so rare here in the verdant moist northeast, I have never seen it before.

Now do you believe in climate change?

Deer ticks had not made it this far north when I went traveling in 2005. Winters were too cold. Now they are here.

Now do you believe in climate change?

The Gulf of Mexico is being poisoned by oil and the toxic chemicals BP is using to try to appear effective.

Humanity is getting it's wake up calls and some people are still in denial.

BUT never fear! Life will win out! Earth can and will heal from our many insults. I am not worried about Earth.

Humanity, though, appears to be committed to reducing its numbers. We are killing ourselves fast with war and violence, and more slowly by poisoning the surface of Earth. As in any ecosystem, when one life form overpopulates, nature culls it. We are part of nature so we are actually doing a lot of our own culling. The other life forms on Earth need us to reduce our numbers and to stop taking taking taking. If we won't do these things by choice it will be done to/for us by the rest of nature.

Life is sacred. By sacred I mean that life is immeasurably magnificent as part of the cosmos. Life will continue, forms change.

It’s another beautiful May day in Vermont. It’s the 23rd which is my mother’s birthday. She’d be 82! My father’s birthday was 5 days ago and he’d be 89.

Life is somewhat idyllic for me right now. The weather is nice. The little garden I planted in Northfield is growing. I’m eating mustard greens already, volunteers that self seeded last fall. I’m teaching another term at BVU. The class is about globalism and what’s happening to/on the Earth, which is pretty timely, and the students are very engaged which is satisfying for me as a teacher.

I have been watching as the disaster in the Gulf of Mexico continues to unfold, or should I say to grease the surface of the gulf. The scope and scale of this is hard to fathom. The amount of death and destruction will be imeasureable. It’s only just starting. This will trouble the region for years, possibly decades and beyond. I’ve been watching and feeling this weird calm about it all. If I got as upset as I could over this it would make me ill, so I haven’t let myself go there. If I believed that my own upset would heal this then I’d do it in a heartbeat, but that is not the case.

Now there are conspiracy theories surfacing about this event. Did Haliburton sabotage the drilling rig in order to keep Royal Dutch Shell from winning the franchise to drill in the region? Is the creation of a dead zone and the eventual human depopulation of the region a goal for someone? It seems insane, but then we know that most of the people “at the top” are insane because they keep authorizing murder and destruction of Earth so, why should this situation be any different? I do not have the answers. In a way, it doesn’t matter. This is all part of our collective dream, our collective nightmare.

Much of what’s happening on Earth is the result of human activity. We have polluted the air, the water, and the soil. We have polluted ourselves. We have set in motion gradual release of poisons into the environment, i.e. nuclear reactors dumped in the seas, slowly leaking plutonium into the waterways of the Earth. We have changed so many things through imbalanced use of the gifts the Earth offers. There are too many of us, and we don’t seem to be getting any smarter as a group.

I am watching it unfold, as you are. I am working with friends to make community, to grow and eat healthy food, to laugh and cry, to love and support. I continue to experience my own emotional spiritual journey with the specifics that are unique to me, and to be part of the journey we are all on together.

Much love to us all.

Three weeks since my last entry. In that time I celebrated the 50th anniversary of my birth. Yay! There have been a few small gatherings, much cake eaten, some wonderful heartfelt talks, and I’m not done yet.

I started doing a written inventory, which was interesting, but then I dropped it. It isn’t necessary to create a detailed list of where I am at this point in my life, but it has been wonderful to do some assessing. Suffice to say that, at 50 years old, with many joys and sorrows behind me, within me, I am inspired enough, interested enough, to want to experience more life.

Today I am in what is essentially a human made cave; an earth-ship dug into the south-facing side of a hill, rammed-earth filled tires for retaining walls, glass facing south, wood stove, with a snow storm outside. It was springtime weather 2 days ago, I was naked in the sun, and now there are 20” of snow on the ground and it’s still falling.

I love the cozy snug feeling of a fire in the stove, snow falling outside, cats lounging about the place.

Full moon, Beltaine nearly upon us, the quiet of this place...I am nourished.

Today I see in the news that Barack Obama has requested an additional $33 BILLION for his war in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

It made me wonder about the children of presidents. US presidents all leave office covered with the blood of innocent people. It's been thus for quite some time. How do their children deal with this? Malia and Sasha are young, but in the not too distant future they will understand that their father has ordered the murders of thousands of women, children, and men whose only crime was that they lived in an area coveted by the US government and the corporations that run it.

When Sasha and Malia have children, will they give a thought as to whether or not they should leave their kids with Grandpa Barack? The depravity that has settled in his heart and soul will not just disappear. He will live the rest of his life knowing he is a murderer. His wife knows it. His friends know it. Of course no one will say it to his face, but they know. I know. You know. Like Bush before him, and Clinton before him, and Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy, and back and back. That is, after all, the american way. This country, founded on slavery and genocide, has proceeded to kill, rape, and steal, on a global scale.

Some people might call me anti-american for saying such things. If being pro-american means justifying all this killing, then I am anti-american. If being pro-american means reveling in the blood of innocents, then I am anti-american. If being pro-american means agreeing with bankrupting the country, consigning the poor to more poverty and enriching the wealthy 1% that owns 99% of the wealth, then I am anti-american.

Love my country right or wrong? That is a position taken by unevolved immature foolish ignorant people. How can anyone condone what this country has become?

The US isn't the only nation state to exist on the blood of innocents. Many countries on Earth embrace the same immorality, lack of ethics, boldfaced greed and cruelty. But I live here, and so I am commenting about this country.

Here are some of my thoughts relative to Paradigms Episode#43:

Humans have always had a relationship with the sky. From the time when some critter first looked up until this moment, the sky has held mystery, sustenance, danger, beauty; we created sky gods to explain the mysteries; we created religions with sky gods loving and harsh, reflecting different parts of human nature.

Now we look to the sky again, but in a different way. We look to the sky the way a sailor looks to the sea. We are on earth, floating traveling in “the sky” the cosmos, in a state of constant intercourse with existence, literally exchanging particles from “out there” and particles from “below.” Any magician, witch, shaman, or other such practitioner as well as any physicist will tell you that we are conduits for earth and sky energy to travel through. We are each a cauldron where those energies mix. We bring earth to sky and sky to earth.

That's all very esoteric. It isn't a big stretch, though, to reframe those metaphysical concepts as physical ones when discussing development of solar and wind generated electricity. This is just another new way to relate with the sky.

Solar generated electricity is inspired by plants; by photosynthesis, where plants use chlorophyll to turn sunlight into sugar. They capture the energy of the sun and make it tangible through photosynthesis. We haven't yet learned to be as benign as plants. We use materials from the Earth to make solar panels, inverters, etc. There is research into how we can learn more from the process of photosynthesis. However we have learned how to gather sunlight and turn it into electricity. The use of a variety of devices that do this is becoming more and more widespread. The sun that warms us and makes our food grow also powers our various tools and toys; amazing, and yet how natural it seems.

Wind has always been a part of the natural cycles. Who doesn't love a breeze on a hot summer afternoon, or fear a tornado? More than just providing comfort and danger, wind pollinates all manner of growing things, and carries the moisture growing things need. Consider for a moment wind blowing all around this planet carrying water and seeds. That is an enormous part of the life cycle on earth. Humans have been harnessing wind to turn wheels for a relatively short amount of time, and we are getting better at it. Of course the devices we use are also made from earthly materials. We now have the ability to make a wheel that turns in the wind thus generating electricity. How elegant. Watching a windmill is entrancing and relaxing.

Both solar and wind power applications embody the confluence of Earth and Sky. Permaculture teaches us that the path to sustainability is the path of nature. By imitating nature as much as possible in our technologies, we will damage the Earth less while we provide for our needs. We have learned to generate electricity with wind and sunlight, and it's happening more and more all around the planet.

It is now possible to put solar panels on any building, given that the orientation of the building and the climate are within the parameters needed. It is possible to have a wind generator from small to large depending on site and need. Micro- and Nano-Hydro turbines are available and can turn any stream or river into a generator of electricity without hurting the stream or river.

Taking efficiency even further, these devices can be made with recycled materials. There are millions of tons of metal in the US alone that are not in use. There is an enormous supply of plastics which can be reused. There is also a huge supply of people who need jobs. I see the potential for a win/win scenario that gives people jobs, cleans up some of our mess, and generates clean electricity.

If you like these ideas and wonder how you can contribute to this transition, here are a few ideas. If you own a building, install solar and/or wind power generation. If you listened to Episode #43 of Paradigms you heard about some of the ways this can be paid for, or can cost you nothing. If you don't own a building you can contact your local utility and encourage them to go with renewables. Be in touch with your legislators at the state and federal levels. If you're a renter, talk with your landlord about installing wind and/or solar; talk with people about these possibilities, generate your own ideas. Imagine a society where there are solar panels and windmills and small hydro installations. The air would be cleaner, more people would have jobs, the destructive practices associated with coal and nuclear would have stopped; no more mountaintop removal, no more uranium mining. We can get there but only if enough of us are committed.

Tonight Derrik Jordan is on Paradigms. He's a kind person, an amazing musician, and we are fortunate to have access to a rare recording of a piece he composed for the Vermont Symphony Orchestra, Odzihozo And The Lake. Tune in for 90 minutes of music and interview with Derrik Jordan at 8 PM EST on WBKM.org or http://paradigms.bz.

I am writing this in response to Episode #40 of Paradigms, which aired Sunday, March 7, 2010.

I decided to do a show on the issue of nuclear power and whether or not it is a viable solution for electrical power generation. I found two people to interview on opposing sides of the issue. I did not disclose to either of them my own opinions until after the interview. I have a bias to be sure, but I have done my best to keep it out of the radio episode. The show has aired, and now I am exploring and sharing my thoughts and feelings.

At first, after conducting the interview with Mr. Comby, I thought of nuclear power as a wedge issue between two fundamentally different worldviews; one seeing the world as essentially mechanical, with western culture at the apex of human achievement, and one which views Earth as a living being with humanity as one of many parts of that life. In the first example nuclear power is seen as essential for the preservation and continuation of the overarching western cultural paradigm. Its cons are seen as manageable within the mechanistic framework, while its pros are seen as essential. At the root of this set of beliefs is fear of “reverting back” to a more “primitive” way of living. Once having eaten the proverbial “ fruit of the tree of knowledge,” electrically powered technology, it is believed that one cannot go back. The other world view sees nuclear power with it's environmentally destructive mining and the accompanying displacement of indigenous people, previously subterranean radioactivity released upon the surface of the Earth, and exaltation of technology, as anathema to the life of the Earth. These two worldviews, which I have oversimplified for brevity, certainly seem on the surface to be mutually exclusive.

After the second interview, with Mr. Riccio I realized that my “two worldviews” scenario was wrong. Of course there are as many worldviews as there are people. Neither Mssrs Comby or Riccio discussed aspects of nuclear power that have to do with the aforementioned mining and cultural destruction. Neither of them discussed the fundamental problems with the economic structure within which corporations and governments advocate nuclear power. And neither of them discussed the many behaviors we can change in order to live within our (energy) means. It is no accident that technological cultures on Earth are all finding themselves in debt with failing economies. The debt is what we have borrowed from the Earth by way of exploitation of “resources.”

It is clear to me, from these two interviews, that while I believe there are villains involved in the nuclear power industry, there are also people involved who are not villains. Mr. Comby was a pleasure to talk with, and clearly cares about the future of humanity. I would have to say that there are probably villains in the anti nuclear camp as well, but Mr. Riccio was not one of them. He came across as earnest and passionate and caring about the future of humanity.

What I found lacking in both interviews were statements of caring about the life of the Earth, humanity aside. Both interviewees were focused on the plight of humanity, not of life on Earth as a whole. I say this having spent 15 to 30 minutes with each of them. I imagine, with more time and deeper conversation, both Comby and Riccio would have much more to say about the life of the Earth.

Earth has been here for a while, and we are a relatively recent development. Whatever damage we may do, in geological time, it is a blip. Maybe we cannot really injure the planet. Maybe we can. I don't think anyone can know for sure.

In terms of nuclear power, if we want to continue with the mechanization of humanity, with “mind” as ruler of all, with disregard to the integrated nature of life on Earth, nuclear is the way to go. One can ignore, to a point, problems with radiation and disease, destruction of Earth to mine for uranium, and the confluence of business and government that the nuclear power industry requires in order to function. I think this solution will actually ring the death knell for civilization as we know it because it is part of a paradigm that is ever and increasingly destructive, and is clearly unsustainable. The anti nuclear power position as represented by Jim Riccio also has gaps in it. It’s not enough for us to simply say no to nuclear power. We need to critically assess the entire paradigm that allows for the kind of compartmentalization the nuclear power model calls for. In fact, there is no “environment” separate from us, to protect. There is simply Life on Earth and we are part of that life.

My vision involves some fundamental changes to how humanity operates.

1) We need to reduce the global human population to somewhere between 1 and 2 billion. The current strategy for population control involves war, manufactured diseases, and the maintenance of poverty with its accompanying short life span. We need, instead, for birth control to be available along with information about the plight of the world, to give people good reason to have less children. There are still cultures on Earth where the people depend on their children to do physical work like growing food and tending animals, and those peoples, the few left, are NOT the ones whose large families are literally eating the planet. It's the consumer societies whose disproportionate use of “resources,” gifts from the earth, that are problematic.

2) We have the knowledge and the experience within our common humanity to live in ways that demand less of the Earth. If we use what we know, we can reuse much of what we have discarded, and reduce with an aim to eventually stopping, all mining. When I refer to mining I mean digging drilling and otherwise taking from the Earth minerals and substances that we are currently extracting to form into all kinds of things.

3) It is time to end war. Besides the obvious loss of human life involved, war is one of the biggest polluters. Modern warfare involves the toxin-producing manufatcure and use of devices which cause explosions, burning, release of dangerous chemicals into the atmosphere, and radioactive munitions which damage all life forms in proximity. We already see how the use of depleted uranium munitions in the “first gulf war” has created a catastrophe in Iraq. The rate of childhood leukemia is off the charts. The use of DU during the invasion of Iraq has also caused a huge increase in birth defects.

The upshot of my vision is that it is time for humanity to grow up, to learn to live in peace, to respect the Earth, to stop greedily gobbling up everything in sight. Humanity is still, by and large, behaving like a child for whom nothing matters but it's own gratification. That is a normal developmental stage, and one that children navigate and outgrow. It is time for humanity to do the same. Nuclear power, to return to the original topic, is part of the “gimme gimme” stage of development, the narcissistic, where one believes one is entitled to whatever one wants and will take it no matter the consequences. There are clearly consequences with nuclear power. We must weigh our desires against what is viable in nature, for after all, nature was here first, we are part of nature, and the laws of nature govern humanity no matter how hard we may try to escape them. Clearly, we cannot escape the ways of nature, and in my view should not, since we are part of nature. Why try to control nature? That brings us back to narcissism.

In conclusion I would like to say that I learned a lot putting together Episode #40 of Paradigms. The main things I learned are that 1) Not all advocates of nuclear power are villains. 2) Nuclear power is symbolic of an immature humanity, one which will either grow up or not; a humanity faced with taking responsibility for our actions and their consequences, past present and future. We'll see what happens.

Wow! I am definitely still feeling high from last night's Paradigms. If you haven't had a chance to listen to it yet, check it out.
Live radio is amazing. I've been doing it for some time now and I am still always a little nervous when I first go live on the air, then settle in and find my groove with whatever the show is. Last night's show was no exception but once we got going it felt good, and I think the result is a show that really has a gestalt to it. If you listen to the whole thing you get something more than if you listen to pieces of it. I listened to it in it's entirety this morning and, even though I did all the interviews, I learned a lot just listening. I am left with a lot of good feeling from the experience, and the belief that this show mattered to people near and far, and the hope that it offers something good.

This coming Sunday's episode of Paradigms has been in the works for over 7000 years! We will meet Bejawi people, learn a bit about their history and their present day existence, and hear some great music from the Bejawi lands in the northeastern part of Africa. Paradigms Sunday Feb 21 8 PM EST on WBKM.org

http://paradigms.bz
http://wbkm.org

I am very happy to announce the launch of the new Paradigms website! Check it out. This is the brilliant creative work of Greg and Leah at PictMedia.

So, drumroll, if you have or haven't visited the old site, please check out the new site! http://paradigms.bz/

So so much gratitude to all my sisters! On this full moon, which is close to perigee, Wolf Moon, Imbolc Moon, Moon in Leo.

It’s been a rough couple of days. I’ve had a couple of melt downs, wept and raged. I’ve ingested too much media a few times. I hit financial zero, literally coughing into the gas station, running on fumes when I finally had money to buy gas with.

Tonight the moon is full and huge and shining and I am filled with gratitude.

I wasn’t born with sisters from my mother and father. I have always connected well with women. The two women who knew me longest are both dead,my friend Madelin who knew me from ages 9 to 41, with whom I acknowledged the bond of brother and sister, and my mother who I got along with best when we were friends. The mother son thing wasn’t so great. I’ve grieved them both. I am still working through a lot of feelings about my mother’s murder.

Driving home tonight it became clear to me that these two women, sisters to me really, were the first of many. I am blessed with many sisters in the world, all over the world, and I am so grateful for those people, those relationships, what I learn and share with and from them. Thank you all my sisters!

Tonight I will be going out under the moon, sometime around 11, to make an offering and marvel at the cosmos. Maybe some of the people who read this will join me, wherever they are.

Blessed be.

Midwinter is always a time of introspection for me. I sleep a lot, I dream a lot, I don't do a lot of external stuff. Anyone watching me for the last few weeks would see someone who eats and sleeps, takes care of the living space, talks with the cat, does some visiting; nothing big in terms of externals. I am still teaching and producing Paradigms, but I've also been watching movies and making applejack and really being pretty low key.

I find myself arriving in a new place as far as grieving for my mother goes. It's been 5 and a half years since she was murdered. I've been missing her a lot lately. I've also been peeling back layers during these years, and am now encountering another layer of anger. It's been hard for me to get to the anger at whoever killed her. I've felt angry, but I've stayed away from the big rage. I can speculate as to why, but bottom line is my psyche wasn't ready so I didn't go there. Today I felt like I could take a baseball bat to the person and hurt them. Badly.

I have not been violent towards other living creatures many times in my life. Maybe a couple of times I've struck out at another human, and I'm ashamed to say I have smacked my dog a few times. I don't think of myself generally as a violent person. In fact I reject violence as acceptable behavior. I don't want to be a violent person. This anger brings me into contact with feelings I don't like or want to feel; the kind of feelings that lead people to behave in ways I find unacceptable. So now I am facing a contradiction in myself.

I haven't focused on Haiti a lot. I just didn't feel it. Today I closed my eyes and visited Haiti astrally, or in my imagination, however one wants to see that. I heard the moaning and crying of those who are still buried alive. I could feel them under the rubble. There are thousands. I felt the current, the force of awareness, like electricity moving through my body. I saw spirits whose bodies had just died leaving Earth, floating up, flying up. It reminds me of Sept 11, 12, 13 2001 when I had similar experiences. I know that the shock of such a death can take some getting used to. I also know that these people, these beings, these energies, freed from their broken bodies, and for many their very hard lives, are now released from the physicality of life on Earth. They are their truest selves, unencumbered with the baggage of human life.

Welcome to 2010.

Last night I had dinner with dear friends and (finally!) met their 2 1/2 yr old son. What a joy. Earlier yesterday I was with dear friends celebrating life and the sacredness of all.

So many gifts.

Life is always changing so it’s obvious to say that this time in my life is unique, but I’m saying it anyway. I’m approaching my 50th birthday in a few months. That’s a trip. I’m living a very slow paced non-frenetic life, working on projects I believe in.

I notice that my sphere of awareness has changed. I am much more in touch with what’s happening in friends’ lives than I am in the world. In the past I’ve maintained a larger awareness. I’ve focused on the world, the suffering, the politics, the environmental changes. I answered the call to Gaia and consciously spent time focused on the whole. Now I am shrinking my sphere of awareness, and it’s good.

Earlier this month I attended a meeting of a homicide survivor’s support group. Thanks to a friend I realized I wanted and needed to do that, and found this group just in time to attend one of their quarterly gatherings. I was a little apprehensive at first, but the people were open and honest about what they were dealing with, and that made a space for me to acknowledge how I have been changed by the experience of my mother’s murder.

When it happened I grieved hard, but I also experienced an elation, a sense of release. I knew at the time that there was a manic quality to what I was experiencing, but I went with it; selling my house, getting rid of most of my stuff, closing my therapy practice, and then traveling for 4 years. Upon reflection, from this angle, I see how wise that was. I knew at the time that I had to do it, but in retrospect I see that, had I not propelled myself forward with that manic energy I would most likely have disintegrated into who knows what.

Now, with 5 years between me and Rita’s death, I have enough of a buffer to proceed with acknowledging the trauma of it all for me. I’m examining the ways in which my relationship with “the world” was changed, and how to deal with that.

Those years were spent both in solitude and in the company of many many people. I met people who I recognized as family, who I still feel close to. I participated in actions out of principle and conviction, going way beyond my comfort zone at times. I’m grateful for those experiences, for having had the energy to extend myself so far, for so much love and learning.

At the end of 2009 I find myself reeling in, shrinking that sphere of awareness, happily more concerned with those around me.

This week is especially great simply because I had some great bodywork and got a new cervical collar. That combination, along with judicious use of ibuprofen has resulted in a huge reduction in neck pain, halleluja! The last year has been pretty painful, since I split that cord of wood in Montana last December (never again!) and this week is the best relief I’ve had since then.

I am definitely no longer manic. My feelings are all pretty accessible; sadness, anger, joy and fear. Healing is happening within me.