01 September 2010

I'm grateful that I live out in the country because I do not have the patience or the filters to deal with people much. I can't seem to get past this hair trigger rage that has been with me since August 2004. It's a problem, and the only respite, the only recourse, seems to be no people except those I trust and know well.

I was doing pretty well, and then EAT happened here and the stress of trying to make this thing happen perfectly, which it did not in part due to my mistakes and also to things beyond anyone's control, along with some of the stuff I experienced with some of the people attending the class, has put me on edge and I am still feeling it. The course was great as usual, but some of the interpersonal stuff really challenged me. My ability to be patient or resilient in the face of what I experience as rudeness, self absorption, and a host of other annoying behaviors, is vastly diminished.

I do my best to stand for a lot of things in the world; kindness and compassion and love and nature and all that good stuff. As a somewhat public person, to whatever extent I am, I think some people expect me to behave in the ways they expect a public person to behave, i.e. an acquaintance recently was very offended by the comments I made about the abrahamics in my previous post. I have had a friend take me to task once when I shared some of my personal feelings about my first visit to Germany and some of my personal familial cultural baggage about that country.

I don't always make it pretty. I know that. I do my best to keep it real.

In the spirit of keeping it real I want to share here, again, how changed I feel since my mother was murdered 6 years ago. It's not that I think a lot about the event itself, or her, or her death. It's that I mark that event as a pivot point in my life. Something in me changed. I feel like an instrument that just can't stay in tune, and the discordant note is more often than not one of rage, also grief. Nameless rage and grief because, when you come right down to it, they are feelings that aren't hooked onto anything specific. In moments they are, but there is this just this endless well of ambient rage and grief that I draw from, or that pushes itself through me.

Yes there are plenty of things to be angry about in this world. I mean...look around. Listen to people. Rome is burning and there are billions of Neros fiddling away. It's beyond weird. Similarly there is plenty about which to feel grieved. We all know it. I can't readily escape it these days.

I am posting this because I know there are people who read this blog who love me, who I love, and this is one way to communicate with them. Also because I imagine there are plenty of others who can identify with some part of what I'm sharing, and that seems somehow useful.

14 August 2010

It is nearly a week since EAT ended. I am exhausted. I am tired to my bones. I am also peopled out. Anyone who knows me well knows that my tolerance for lots of people has it's limits. I am there. I'll recharge and be up for more people again, but for now I need down time, a few friends at a time, solitude,, NO rushing, NO deadlines, just time and space to get back to my native pace so my intrinsic motivations can resume.

I have visited some news sites in the last 24 hours. I am better off not doing so. All this drama and violence, and so much attention paid to the abrahamic religions. The old synagogue in Berlin has been refurbished, with gold and beauty. The muslims are celebrating Ramadan. The christians are doing their usual repression and preaching hate of gays. It's all business as usual for these sects which have enslaved much of the world.

Judaism, christianity and islam are all based on belief in this one god who proclaims loudly that he is jealous, must come first before all others, and who instructs his followers to kill and maim, to defile the land, to treat women like possessions...the list goes on. This god resembles nothing so much as a sociopath.

I long for the day when earth is peopled by those who revere nature, who treat each other with kindness or at least without bloodthirsty cruelty. I long for the day when the abrahamics do not wield the power of the gun, the sword, the bomb.

It is not only the abrahamics who indulge the murderous aspect of their human nature, to be sure, but here in "the west" it is the abrahamics who authorize the hate and violence of nations, the racism against indigenous people, and the war against the Earth. I wish they would stop.

Today I will do some more around this place with my roommate, maybe go for a swim in Molly's Pond, and relax.

01 August 2010

Today is a day off. The Earth Activist Training is at it's mid-point. The first week has come and gone. In the yard outside the earthship there are newly sheetmulched beds, a new fire pit area, an herb spiral, and the base for a cob oven. Last night we held a public Lammas ritual in Montpelier. Over 300 people came! It was really fun and energizing. I knew a small fraction of the folks who showed up, which was particularly wonderful; to have offered something to the community and to have so many people show up really affirms the value of the endeavor. Maybe I'll host more public rituals.

It is sunny and promises to be hot today. I think I will find a place to go for a swim.

17 July 2010

Wow. I am really exhausted. I haven't worked this yard in years. It's great! We are getting so much done here in the earthship at Neruda. I don't use names in my blog as a general practice so this could sound confusing, but it isn't really. There is a couple that already live here. They built the earthship. They are both involved in preparing for EAT. One of them is doing a lot of wiring, plumbing, and other construction, on the kitchen in I daresay our side of the earthship. He set up the gas stoves yesterday, and worked on the sink today, and built a platform for the two refrigerators. I built a counter space with shelves for some countertops from Freecycle. Later we cooked dinner in the new kitchen.

EAT work exchange folks are arriving. More are expected tomorrow night. The teachers arrive next week and then on July 25 we kick it off for 2 weeks of permaculture, activism, and magic. It will be a blast. Along with the course, and with valued help, I am also coordinating a sneak preview on July 24 of Starhawk and Donna Read's new film, Permaculture - The Growing Edge, and on July 31 a public Lammas ritual in Montpelier, VT. Lots of people are putting out lots of energy so these events can happen. It's very exciting to be part of so many people working together to make good things available.

Preparing the earthship for EAT is also preparing the earthship for me to live in after EAT. The way it is now, with some winterizing, will be ok for this winter. Next spring we will build the three bedroms; one for me, one for a friend who lives 1/2 time in Jamaica, and one for another friend. Next year we will build those and also get to some mad gardening all over this hillside, as well as raising some animals like sheep, a bullock, chickens (which we already have!) and more. It's what I have always wanted, all my life; to live in the country and grow food and share space and work hard and also relax a lot. It's an interesting time of the world for this to be happening in my life. Feels like just in the nick of time.

Another aspect of doing all this work and focusing on these events is I don't have time to read the news. I barely have time to keep up with my scrabble games on facebook. No news is a relief. It's like I plugged an energy leak. The amount of energy it takes to worry and be pissed off or whatever one feels after ingesting "news" is better spent planting a garden or feeding chickens.

I'm taking a hiatus from Paradigms for the rest of the summer. I did 53 episodes in 56 weeks. I am due for a break so I can recharge that part of my brain with new experiences and ideas. I will start it up again in September.

What's going on with you? Whoever you are reading this, how about leaving a comment about what's going on in your life? I'd love that. Be well.

love,
Baruch